Westmoreland Asays

Last Wednesday while I was washing the dishes, I heard a distant thump and then steady crying. Nothing unusual there, so I turned off the water, dried my hands, and walked over to the source of the noise--as routine as routine can be. My inspection found Ian laying on his back at the bottom of the stairs, flaying a bit like a bug unable to turn over on its own. Aaron and Ed were nowhere to be found, so at least they weren't responsible for the situation. I picked up Ian and asked him if he was okay. His speaking consists of a couple of nouns strung together, so he couldn't explain what happened or what hurt. I took him to my room, laid him in the bed, and pulled out the bucket of Jelly Bellies. He seemed to favor his right hand, but that didn't stop him from sticking it into the bucket and pulling out a few candies. I asked him to move all of his fingers and roll his wrist, and it didn't seem to cause him any more pain. I figured he had sprained his wrist and it woul...

Many of the cool web sites publish year-end top-whatever lists: best movies, best albums (do they still make those?), and so on. I want to play with the cool kids, too, so here is my contribution: my 10 favorite photos of the year. Not just any photos: ones that I have taken, because those are the ones that people like you care about the most. What are the rules of this top-10 list, you say? Good question: The photographer must have used one of my cameras The image must be from calendar year 2011 (sorry BucketHead ; you are still my favorite all-time) That's about it. Admit it: most of you are too chicken to leave comments here, but you know you want to participate in this awesome new tradition. Vote for your favorite. A fairy dies every time someone reads an entry and fails to comment, so please think of the fairies as you peruse the Internets this holiday season. 1. Dodgeball Zen Sellwood Middle School hosted a family dodgeball night in February to raise money for...

 Rarely do I think to myself, "I have all three boys and no wife around; let's go on a a day trip somewhere!" Riding our bikes to the park or around the neighborhood is one thing, but I hate herding the boys into the van, driving midst their constant back-and-forth insults and jabs against each other, and then trying to keep them in line so we don't get kicked out of whatever place we have chosen to visit. Whether it was inspiration, a softening of my heart for the season, or I inhaled too much moon dust morning , I decided to take the boys to the Alpenrose Dairy in nearby Southwest Portland to visit  Storybook Lane . Daft Punk inspires this kid's robot-enhanced voice We once looked at a house nearly across the street from the Alpenrose Dairy, so I knew how to get there pretty easily, but I had emailed the directions to myself just to be sure, and I gave Aaron my phone and told him to navigate us. In the process he quizzed me why we don't have a GPS de...

Today was the first day of the year where the mercury climbed above 90 degrees. That might sound shocking to some, but the record for Portland is actually October 5 , which I experienced but don't remember happening in 1980. I prefer the temperate and cool climate of the Willamette Valley, so I'm like in the one percentile of people in Oregon who is enjoying summer this year. Because the weather is the only true way to judge how good the summer is. Meg's friend Susan was visiting her family in Sherwood, so she let us tag along and go swimming in her family's pool. The boys were so excited they got into their swimsuits around noon, even though they knew we weren't leaving until after 5:00, and even though Meg takes them several times a week to the Sellwood community pool. Some of Susan's nieces, about Ed and Aaron's age, were also there, and everyone seemed to get along well and enjoy the company. Unfortunately, there was only one magic sword on the pre...

We Drove All Night We spent a week in Utah visiting a seemingly countless stream of  friends and family (most of whom are Oregon ex-pats). I always thought Meg's desire to drive to Utah during the night was crazy. But after experiencing it twice now, I have changed my opinion. The kids slept most of the way, it was cooler out, there was much less noise and traffic, and losing a day of sleep isn't that bad. Except for stops to expel our bladders (Eddie didn't go once) and re-fill the van's gas tank, we drove straight-thru, finally stopping at the Tremonton McDonald's for breakfast (I skipped, of course). Boy, did we make that place look classy. Emmeline, the chicken poet Jesus made the chickens healthy so we'd be happy. Upon arrival Monday morning at my brother's house in the Sugar House neighborhood of Salt Lake City, Meg immediately retreated to the basement to take a nap. But the rest of us took some time to get to know the 14 chickens that li...

"You have to stop and pick up some cherries for us. They're only a buck a bucket, and the buckets are huuuuuuge. It's on the corner of Commercial and 22nd. We were following someone so we couldn't stop and pick some up ourselves." So went the edict from one of the traveling caravan's passengers that I received on Meg's cell phone as we approached Anacortes. We had just embarked on a four-day, three-night car-camping adventure to San Juan Island, and we were minutes away from arriving at the ferry terminal. I honestly didn't want to stop for something so trivial (but which was professed to be of such profound importance), but we did anyway. The owner of the fruit stand, however, employed deceitful tactics to lure in wary out-of-towners: the purported "huge" buckets, which went for $7, easily dwarfed the advertised $1 buckets, which held about 10 cherries. (Meg gave the woman the finger on our return to Portland--suck my pit, fruit demoness)...

I grew up in a culture that did not celebrate Father's Day. At least that's what my memory tells me. So it has been a decade-long transition period of letting my wife and kids worship me for a day. This was an uncomfortable thing at first, but now I wish they would treat me like this every day. They let me sleep in and brought me breakfast in bed, with both Edward and Ian helping me eat it. Usually I'm up at dawn with Ian, feeding or changing him. But today I got a free pass. They presented me with gifts: a belt made out of a bicycle tire, with a star wars-themed buckle; a drawing Ed had made (with me as Darth Vader--yes!--and him as Luke); a dinosaur magnet that Aaron had made at school; and a hammock (which has been sitting in the garage for a few weeks now). At church the women presented all of the fathers with chocolate dipped Oreo balls. Even though they had cream cheese in them, I enjoyed them and hounded them for more. The primary aged kids--including Aaron and Ed-...

"Are you the lady from Lincoln City? You actually drove from Lincoln City just to get happy meals for your kids?" So said the assistant manager at the McMinnville McDonald's drive-thru to Meg, who had escalated her displeasure that they no longer had any Pokemon-themed happy meals, which had just been released today. I continued staring out the window, embarrassed, but listening intently to see how the drama would play out. The two women vigorously traded banter until some other underling discovered that he had found more of the Pokemon toys--but to Meg's disdain, she would have to park the van and go inside to place her order. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that I wouldn't have to witness any more of this first-hand. I coached the kids to be over-complimentary when they received their food, and they responded perfectly when Meg returned a few minutes later with Pokemon-themed happy meals. I failed to observe any change in her outward appearance. Had her ange...